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The Family System

Hey everybody! Throughout this week, I have been able to reflect on the influence that the family has on an individual. I believe that it shows the importance of families in our lives. We discussed a theory called the family systems theory. This theory states that every member of the family has roles that they fill and rules that they follow. It is like a baby mobile. Each piece has its place but when one piece moves the entire mobile moves. If one piece is missing, the entire system is changed. It is the same for families. Each member of the family fulfills a role whether they recognize it or not. You might be the family clown, provider, provoker, comforter, or the quiet one. No matter what your role is, you have a major influence on your family dynamic. Some roles stay consistent while others change on a frequent basis. The roles of mom or dad might never change. However, roles like the comforter or provoker might change on a daily basis. In more extreme circumstances, the role of provider might fall on the child. 


Every family also has their rules. There are spoken rules or unspoken rules. An example of a spoken rule would be that your bed has to be made before you go outside or the trash has to be taken out at the end of the day. Unspoken rules are a little less obvious. They are the rules that aren’t spoken or written down but are understood within the family. For example, in my family we are not allowed to make any loud sudden noises. My mom has a panic attack any time a bag of chips is popped (yes, I am speaking from personal experience). Another unspoken rule could be that you aren’t supposed to accept anything unless it is offered to you. These spoken and unspoken rules shape our family and us as individuals. For the children of the family, those rules can carry on into their future families and sometimes cause contention within a marriage. If your family rules were different than your spouses growing up, it can be difficult to come together and make your own family rules. 

I’ve been reflecting on my own family relationships and have realized what a big impact my family has had on my life. I would not be the person I am today without them. There are little things about who I am that I have noticed that have been because of the influence of my family. One is my absolute loathing of seafood or my inability to take more than a 15 minute shower. There are also major things like my love of the gospel of Jesus Christ or my sense of humor that comes directly from their influence. Every decision that any of your family members make also has a direct effect on your life. One decision that has influenced me for the better was my sister’s decision to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. She has not had an easy mission. She was originally sent to the Cebu,Philippines mission. She was then sent home due to Covid 19 and then reassigned to California where she has had to quarantine. Throughout it all, I have not once heard her complain. She inspired me to serve a mission and always look at the bright side. Whether we notice it or not, we are the products of our families and their decisions. This shows how important the family is. They not only affect your home life but their influence shapes the who you are.

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