Dating!

     Hi everybody! This week we learned about the concept of dating and preparing for marriage. This is a topic that has changed its meaning over generations. In the olden days “seriously dating” was called courting. In order to court someone, a man would have to ask the father permission inorder to court his daughter. It was a much more serious affair then it is now. These days it seems that everybody has their own definition of what dating means. When I asked one roommate what it meant to her, she explained that it is when you go out with someone for a non-committal activity. When I asked another roommate she answered that it is when you are seriously committed to one person and only go on dates with them. For the purposes of this blog entry, I am defining dating as going on dates and seriously dating or courting as a commitment to only date each other. 

In the last few decades, dating has taken a significant decline in frequency. People are no longer asking others on dates, rather they are spending more time hanging out in groups. Hanging out can be a fun way to get to know friends. However, it is not the most effective way to see if you want to seriously date someone or not. I have had a lot of friends tell me that they will only ask girls on dates if they had known them for a long time and had built a friendship with them. What they don’t realize is that a date is one of the best ways to get to know someone.It provides an environment where there are less distractions so that you can focus more on each other. Plan activities where you can have communication. While a movie date can be fun, are you really able to talk? Take this into consideration when planning activities. Dates also don't have to be extravagant or expensive. They can be as simple as taking a pretty hike with a picnic or swimming at the lake. 

Going on dates and seriously dating people is very important. It helps you get to know multiple people on a personal level. It helps you practice skills that are necessary for marriage. Elder Dallin H Oaks explained the benefits of a date when he said, “The old-fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation. It allowed you to see how you treat others and how you are treated in a one-on-one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship.” These are all necessary skills and information essential to a successful marriage. 

When and if, after a couple of dates, you decide that you would like to continue the relationship, there are a few things to consider. First, make sure you can communicate! This is so important. If you can’t talk to someone, how are you supposed to work through problems or issues? Next make sure that you feel attached to them for the right reasons. In class, we looked at something called the R.A.M or the Relationship Attachment Model. This model explained that we should first know a person to trust them. If we can trust them then we can rely on them and commit to them. Then the physical touch can come into play. If done out of order things can get confused. Physical touch is a very important part of a relationship. However, if you get too physical too fast, you can be “falsely” attached. This means that the physical touch can give you a higher sense of trusting or relying on someone, when in reality, you didn’t take the time to really know them. 

To sum it all up, go on dates! Take the time to really know someone and learn about them. This will help you prepare for future relationships and eventually marriage.